November 2010

Dear Kids Help Phone

Dear KHP script

According to the National Crime Prevention Centre, bullying consists of acts of intentional harm, repeated over-time, in a relationship where an imbalance of power exists. It occurs monthly, weekly or daily to tens of thousands of Canadian children. And it ranges from physical bullying (hitting, kicking, punching, pushing) to verbal bullying (taunting, teasing, insults, threats, slurs) to social bullying (gossiping, spreading rumours, exclusion). There are frightening numbers out there, and likely during Bullying Awareness Week, you will hear some of them:

  • Bullying is a common problem worldwide affecting one in five school-aged children
  • Adults are aware of less than 10% of bullying acts
  • Peers are present in more than 85% of bullying situations
  • When a peer intervenes, close to 60% of bullying stops within 10 seconds

Bullying is a broad term that covers a wide variety of abusive behaviours. Violence is learned behaviour, and that behaviour learned in childhood can lay the groundwork for one’s future life course.  Dating relationships are one place where these behaviours can resurface. 

Statistics Canada reports that between 2004 and 2008, there was an increase in police-reported incidences of dating violence for people of all ages, while youth between the ages of 15 and 24 have the highest risk of dating violence, and this age group is reported to have the highest number of victims (43%), the majority of them being female.

The importance of recognizing unhealthy relationships becomes a high priority on the “keeping our kids safe” list. And since adolescents often perceive parents as one of the most accurate sources of dating information, you have an opportunity to guide them in recognizing warning signals:

  • Ruminating on the relationship, i.e., “What could I have said?” or
    “What did I do”
  • Feeling personally responsible for the health of the relationship
  • Not asserting one’s own needs within the relationship
  • Not expressing anger within the relationship
  • Stalking behaviours
  • Verbal disrespect
  • Undue possessiveness
  • Narrowing social contacts to please partner  

By communicating openly, listening, discussing, being supportive, you are in fact helping your child experience what a healthy relationship feels like.